Important Tips to Understand How “Tu” and “Vous” Work in French

You can’t learn French without facing at least once the big question, the unavoidable doubt, and, let’s push it, the high pressure regarding the informal “tu” or the polite “vous.” French people take this matter very seriously, so let’s dedicate this article to it and provide tips and tricks to help you feel more comfortable.

The Big Question: “Tu” or “Vous”?

If things were easy and logical, “tu” would be the pronoun used to address one person in the singular form, and “vous” would be the pronoun used to talk to two or more people.

However, according to some (not that) simple rules, the French use two different pronouns to distinguish a formal from an informal tone.

When to Use “Tu”

In French, you (can) use “tu” to speak to someone when:

• You know this person very well, including:
  • Friends, colleagues (same hierarchical level), parents, siblings, and family in general (excluding in-laws)
  • Your partner (including ex-partners)
• You talk to a child or a young person (under 18 years old) to show proximity, avoid putting barriers, and create a friendly climate of trust.
• You are much older than the person you are talking to.
• In a professional environment, you have a hierarchically higher position (though this is becoming less common and often seen as condescending behavior).
• The person explicitly invites you to use “tu” (e.g., “Tu peux me tutoyer” or “On peut se dire tu?”).

This could happen in many daily life situations.

Exceptions to the Rules

1. Changing Relationships

Your neighbor considers you’ve known each other long enough and tells you:

“Bon, allez, ça fait 6 ans qu’on est voisins, on peut se dire tu, non?” “Well, come on. We’ve been neighbors for 6 years. We can say ‘tu’ to each other, can’t we?”

Your mother-in-law, who once expected “vous,” now likes you and tells you:

“Tu sais, tu peux me tutoyer, hein… et puis je m’appelle pas madame, je m’appelle Martine 😊.” “You know, you can address me as ‘tu,’ eh… and my name isn’t madame, it’s Martine.”

2. Workplace Informality

Your boss establishes an informal tone from the start:

“Ici, pas de vouvoiement, on se dit ‘tu’, on est tous au même niveau, et ça crée une ambiance de boulot plus détendue !” “Here, no formal references, just ‘tu.’ We’re all on the same level, and it makes for a much more relaxed working atmosphere!”

3. Personal Preferences

A stranger on the street may dislike “vous”:

“Oh, ne me vouvoie pas, j’ai horreur de ça, je suis pas si vieux/vieille !” “Oh, don’t be so formal; I hate it. I’m not that old!”

Some people see “vous” as a sign of respect due to age, while others find it unnecessary. In such cases, follow their lead.

When to Use “Vous”

You must (usually) use “vous” in almost any other situation.

“Vous” in French marks politeness, respect, and a certain distance. It also shows no close relationship between the people interacting.

Situations Requiring “Vous”

• Doctors, bakers, bus drivers, bankers, teachers
• Your kids’ friends’ parents, bosses, in-laws
• Strangers, service workers, professionals on the phone

If there is more than one person, “vous” is the correct choice by default, eliminating any doubt!

Common Mistakes and Social Risks

Using “tu” too soon may surprise your interlocutor in an unpleasant way. It may even be perceived as a lack of respect.

It’s better to be corrected for being too formal:

“Mais arrête de me vouvoyer, dis-moi tu!” “Stop being so formal, just say ‘tu’ to me!”

Than for being too informal:

“Qui vous a permis de me tutoyer, espèce de malpoli !?” “Who gave you permission to be so informal, you jerk?”

“Tu” in Heated Arguments

“Tu” is common in road rage and heated arguments. Examples:

• “Tu peux pas faire attention quand tu recules !!” (“Can’t you watch out when reversing?!”)
• “Mais c’est pas possible, tu l’as eu où ton permis de conduire !?” (“I can’t believe this, where did you get your driver’s license?!”)
• “Le stop, tu l’as pas vu, imbécile?!” (“Didn’t you see the stop sign, idiot?!”)

Further Reading

For a deeper understanding, check out: Le tu et le vous, l’art français de compliquer les choses by Étienne Kern. He explores how “tu” and “vous” reflect the evolution and complexity of French society.

Conclusion

The use of “tu” and “vous” has evolved over time. While not as strict as before, the rules remain somewhat ambiguous. When in doubt, use “vous” until invited to switch. With practice, you’ll master this aspect of French etiquette!